Special Report:
The Miami Fusion--Major League Crapping, I Mean Soccer

The Mystery Crapper is always up for a sporting event, especially when the Miami Fusion are in town. In a special report, TMC went undercover to give CQ readers the poop on the league-leading Fusion, the unofficial soccer team of CQ, from the midfield stripe. www.miamifusion.com

First of all, very rarely is an outdoor stadium the type of facility you want to crap in. But all in all, Lockhart Stadium, where the Fusion play their home matches is a reasonable place to "go".

At this point in the report, we have to address the fact that the Miami Fusion play in Fort Lauderdale which is a good half-hour to 45 minutes away from Miami. That is like saying the NY Giants/Jets play in New York. Understanding this, combined with lots of beer at your tailgate party almost ensures that you will need to visit the toilets during your excursion.

Toilets at Lockhart Stadium.

Superstar Preki shows his crapping style.

Beer vendor and Fusion mascot PK.

The Fusion take the field.

Plenty of stalls with good privacy mark the highlights of this functional facility. Plain but reasonably clean, it would do in a pinch. Watch out for day games in Summer where the non-airconditioned crappers can get a little gamey when folks forget to flush. All in all, the Fusion get a 2.5 rating.

As for the game, the Fusion destroyed last year's league champs, the Kansas City Wizards, 5-1. Of course, TMC had premium midfield seats and captured some of the action for you. Note the beer vendor with the big hat and the giant Lizard. That beer vendor is at just about every South Florida sporting event wearing that same hat.

The Fusion have a number of players that are currently or where once with the US national team. US stars like Carlos Llamosa, Preki, Pablo Mastroeni, Jim Rooney, Nick Rimando team with International stars Diego Serna, Alex Pineda Chacon and Ian Bishop to crush all opponents. Led by popular Head Coach and local hero from the Fort Lauderdale Striker days of the NASL, Ray Hudson, the Fusion are poised to take the MLS Cup this year.

The Mystery Crapper urges all CQ readers to support their local Major League Soccer team. It is great family fun and an excellent bargain. Ths stadiums are intimate, the tickets are cheap, the soccer is getting pretty good, and the crapping is just fine.